Episode 226: Show Notes
Today on the show, we are talking about money mindsets. Figuring out your own relationship with money takes a long time. How do you know when you’re over-spending? How do you know when you’re being too frugal? What are the thoughts and emotions that control your spending and how do you get over your deeply ingrained money blocks? As women, we are taught that being financially successful, is something to fear. It might sound silly, but it’s the truth! So much of our decision making is fear-based and so often we don’t recognize this as fear.
These are the sorts of questions and topics we’ll be chatting through in this episode today. We’ll be referring to our own experience, our own money blocks and be giving you a few questions that you need to be asking yourself in order to break free from the shackles of your bank balance! By the end of this episode, you will be more conscious of your own money mindset, have a foundation from which to tackle it and feel empowered to make the changes you need to make toward a more healthy and happy (financial) life.
How Stuck Do You Feel About Your Money Story AKA Financial Circumstances?
Before Emylee started budgeting, up until a month ago, Emylee felt like she was in quicksand. She didn’t have control on where her money was going. She could never step into the responsibility about being really mindful about her and her partner’s finances because she thought that being mindful of your finances shows you just how little you really have. To her this meant she wouldn’t enjoy spending money as much. Emylee was raised in the belief that whenever there is extra money available, then you get to treat yourself. This was a way to make up for all the sacrifices we make as women in order to make that money. Emylee was in a state of denial when it came to her financial circumstances. She soon realized that she had to do something about the way she treated and understood money so that she could be enabled to feel empowered instead of stressed. For Abbie on the other hand, she and her husband have a, “If we get to X then we can get to Y,” mentality. And then something always happens and the much anticipated Y doesn’t ever happen! Somehow, Abbie has convinced herself that she doesn’t have enough money to get there. As if all her money goals are a moving target. This is the danger we find ourselves in when we’re constantly telling ourselves, when it comes to finances: “I’ll be happy when...”
What Level Of “Fear” Do You Feel About Your Finances?
We all have fear about money, but the thing is we often will never admit to it being a fear. Both of us have a fear-based mentality around money. When Emylee was not budgeting, her fear was that she and her partner would never have enough money. Although it constantly felt like they were just bringing in money, and being conscientious about every cent they had – it didn’t feel like they were getting anywhere. She felt like they would not see the rewards from this until they retired. Because of this, Emylee now micro-manages the shit out of their budget and feels a need to be in control of everything. For Abbie, she feels like she is better off not knowing about her finances, thinking that she would just worry more if she did know. In other words, the “Ignorance is bliss” mindset. But the truth is, you can be a multi-millionaire and still not feel like you have enough, because maybe your parents are billionaires! But the majority of the time, it’s your own perception of your finances that is the problem. Regardless of the number, it’s about how you feel about it. This is really important to acknowledge and might just be the first step toward conquering the fear of your finances.
How Much Do You Avoid What You Want and Settle for What You Can Afford?
Emylee has gone from answering “All the time” to this question, to the polar opposite of answering, “Hardly ever.” Emylee now knows that if she and her partner are deliberate about what they buy and what they don’t buy, they can literally buy whatever they want. For so long, Emylee has been making small purchases to treat herself, that she now has acquired too much stuff! Abbie on the other hand, completely avoids pursuing what she wants because she doesn’t know exactly when her dreams will manifest.. Abbie holds her breath, all the time, when it comes to spending. She is a waiter and so won’t spend or settle on something she can’t afford until the ultimate goal or dream is reached. But knowing when to spend on something you’re settling for, in order make your life more comfortable and happier, can be tricky. “Enjoy the reward now, or enjoy it later (hopefully),” can cause a lot of anxiety. So much so that you don’t spend a penny!
How Much Would You Give To The World If You “Had The Money” and What Are Your Money Dreams?
Emylee and her partner budget for giving every month and are increasing that as their income increases. Emylee’s charity money goes to the Junior League Aid to Puppies and in her ideal world, she would have the house of her dreams, zero debt and be working to help the two ladies in her life with their own finances – houses, debt, cars, whatever. For Abbie, she has been trying to be super specific with her dreams. She wants her dream house, a meditation room and sports cars. As women, it is ingrained in us from a young age, that it is not safe to be rich and successful. Which literally makes no sense and often discourages us from dreaming big. But if we take the security aspect out of it and if we break it down, financial sense can be viewed as being “unsafe” in a sense. If we look at the countries where women cannot drive cars, do not have equal rights, experience cyber-bullying, workplace harassment, limited education opportunities, as well pressures to raise a family – well then, yeah, it is pretty unsafe! For a woman, to chase success is a risk, always.
Things You Say To Yourself About Money That You Need To Stop Saying.
- “I’m not meant to be rich, rich people are greedy and selfish.”
- “People will stop loving me if I have too much money.”
- “Other people will freak out if I make too much money.”
- “It’s more important to be happy than rich.”
We’re not saying that any of these things are wrong or that it’s weird to think them. You are human and most likely if you’re reading this, a woman. All this to say that we don’t have the answers. We are going through the same stuff you are and even if you feel like you’re in a totally different place, it’s not just hard at every stage, it’s just different. But the good thing is that we are here with you and here to answer your questions over in the Facebook community. So meet us there and let’s talk it out!
- How Stuck Do You Feel About Your Money Story AKA Financial Circumstances? [0:04:20.1]
- What Level Of “Fear” Do You Feel About Your Finances? [0:09:00.1]
- How Much Do You Avoid What You Want To Settle For What You Can Afford? [0:15:30.1]
- How Much Would You Give To The World If You “Had The Money” and What Are Your Money Dreams? [0:30:30.1]
- Things You Say To Yourself About Money That You Need To Stop Saying. [0:36:00.1]