Messy Sex, Finding Alignment & Doing IT Scared
Episode 824: Show Notes
There are unspoken expectations thrust upon every area of your life. People complain about how others choose to show up, respond, or not respond to what’s happening in the world. There is so much anger about the state of our world and our economy, what people are saying or not saying, and even how you might choose to run your business.
I get it! These are important things to have thoughts and feelings about. But what would it look like to show up in alignment with your truth? At the end of the day, it’s about you, the weight that you carry from these societal expectations, and how that bleeds into your business and career.
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Why Today’s Conversation is a Story Within a Story
About six weeks ago, I decided to make some big changes to the way I show up online. I want to tell you how I made myself more visible and how that has impacted my business, but that’s a story for another episode! In the midst of everything happening, I recently signed up for a local conference. I had to pick a breakout session, and looking at a list of times and topics, I blindly chose one titled Messy Sex. Now, I’m certainly not going to tell you about my sex life! Instead, I’m going to tell you about something that everyone needs to hear. I know that the topic of sex can make people uncomfortable, but what this specific situation illustrated for me impacts you personally!
How Zero Expectations Led to a Takeaway We All Need to Hear
I had no idea what to expect when I walked into the breakout. Maybe we were going to get a little uncomfortable, talk about our relationships with our partners, or discuss how to have better sex. Instead, I sat in a room full of women, realizing that I wasn’t the only one who had carried the weight of shame my entire life! There is an epidemic that has swept our nation and has thrust shame upon an entire generation. For this story to make sense, you need to know that I grew up in a conservative Catholic household. I was taught that no sex before marriage was the only way, and if you didn’t do that, you were sinning and potentially going to hell. I was taught to abstain. I didn’t have sex education. All I had were some terrifying images of sexually transmitted diseases.
The Impact that a Lifetime of Indoctrination Had on My Mind and My Body
For 18 years, I was told to believe that abstinence was the only way to one day find someone who would love and cherish me. When I left that community, I had an eating disorder, deep shame about my body, and a profoundly affecting sense of guilt. I carried a lifetime of trauma I had to work through. Now, I want to be quite clear here; this is not an anti-Christian message! It’s not an anti-church message. I’m not saying there is an inherently bad denomination or that being a part of organized religion is a mistake. I can both be a church-going Christian woman and someone who is deeply hurt and manipulated by organized religion. I had to break down all of my walls to find out what was true for me.
Why This Conversation Is Not Really About Sex
Why do you show up the way that you do? Would it be different if you carried less shame or guilt? Would it be different if you felt like no one was watching? Would it be different if you were in front of strangers instead of a community or family you’ve already built? Would it be different if you examined how your views have changed and evolved as you’ve aged? Would it be different if you allowed other points of view in your life or if you were only worried about yourself? This conversation isn’t really about sex. It’s about being so ingrained in our communities that we can’t see the harm they cause.
What You Might Assume (If You’re Anything Like Me)
Maybe you believe that deconstructing your way of doing things is going to cause you to swing in the complete opposite direction. If whatever you’ve been doing until now is considered socially acceptable or right, then doing it your way must somehow be wrong, unacceptable, or manipulative. I’m here to tell you that you aren’t those things! Why do you assume that acting from your truth is wrong? You aren’t the antithesis of who you have portrayed. You are a deeper, more nuanced, more interesting person than the one you have shown out loud. Although the criticism still hurts, I feel stronger than ever. My conviction keeps me grounded. I feel at peace, I love my body more, I have a healthier relationship with food, a better and stronger marriage, and I communicate my wants, needs, and desires. These things are only possible because I did the work!
How Your Journey Might Differ From Mine and Why That’s Okay
When I spoke about getting more visible with my community recently, there was so much fear echoed back at me. I reflected on why people often feel intimidated about the things they should be excited about, and I realized that it’s much more deep-rooted than anyone is willing to talk about. Some of you have some real ish that you need to work through! I don’t know what your journey looks like, but I know that this journey is going to take time. I know that you want to get out there and grow, have more visibility, have more leads, and have more people paying attention. You want your business to provide more income with less sacrifice for yourself.
The Community That’s Waiting For You
Your future is so bright! Growing my business was only possible when I worked through my personal fears, traumas, expectations, anxiety, and sadness. You aren’t alone in this! You have a community of people who deeply care about you and want to walk alongside you and see you crushing it in business. I want to help you be fully you, unapologetically you, in a place that is safe for you to act. I want you to join us. It’s going to take some time to work through your stuff, but in the meantime, I can give you the strategies and the tools you need to crush it when you’re ready.
Quote This
You deserve a community that is safe, and I have worked so hard to create that space.
Highlights
Why Today’s Conversation is a Story Within a Story [0:03:31]
How Zero Expectations Led to a Takeaway We All Need to Hear [0:05:51]
The Impact that a Lifetime of Indoctrination Had on My Mind and My Body [0:08:07]
Why This Conversation Is Not Really About Sex [0:10:58]
What You Might Assume (If You’re Anything Like Me) [0:12:41]
How Your Journey Might Differ From Mine and Why That’s Okay [0:14:43]
The Community That’s Waiting For You [0:17:13]
OUR HOST:
Abagail Pumphrey
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Abagail Pumphrey, the Co-Founder & CEO of Boss Project, has been a driving force in the creative entrepreneur industry since 2015. With a passion for empowering service-based business owners around the globe, she became internet-famous after the launch of the transformative training, "Trello for Business." This innovative system revitalized the operations of over 10,000 business owners, making a significant impact on the online business landscape.
Under Abagail's leadership, Boss Project has been featured in prestigious publications such as Forbes, Marie Claire, INC, and HuffPost. Her twice-weekly podcast, The Strategy Hour, is a staple in the business community, continuously topping Business and Management Charts on Apple with millions of listeners from around the world.
Abagail's superpower lies in her ability to break down complex concepts into easy-to-implement, duplicatable systems. As an expert in online sales and a data-driven strategist, she has turned a layoff into a 7-figure work-from-home business. Abagail's mission to help more female founders become financially free, without letting their businesses take over their lives, continues to inspire and guide entrepreneurs on their path to success.
Key Topics:
Deconstruction, Beliefs, Fears, Overcoming Fear, Community, Support, Acceptance
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