Running an Intuitive Business and Finding Contentment
Episode 508: Show Notes
Hey friends, so we are putting an introduction on the top of this episode because we had every intention to talk about all of our plans for Q1 and the cool, exciting stuff that we are trying, the people we recently hired, and the strategies we are starting. And then, somehow, we got down a rabbit hole of intuitive business ownership, contentment, our problem with happiness, and everything in between!
So we are going to save our episode about Q1 for another time, and what you are hearing today is slightly different than what you think you might be getting ready to hear! But it is still a really good episode, so stay until the very end. We also have a disclaimer that relates to a lot of what we say today at the very end, so you need to stay till then to hear it!
Updates About Emylee, and Getting Away From Toxic, Goal-Setting Mentalities
We just want to preface this episode with an update on Emylee’s mental state because she has been having some issues! Today she was in a salon for four hours with a crying kid, her computer was actingup, and she somehow lost her sim card in her phone! All that to say she is stressed! Today’s themes of contentment and self-care all began to spill out when we started talking about Q1. We were on the subject of how we are beginning to take action on some huge new years goals, and this made Emylee think about two posts her friends made on Instagram. The first was about calling out toxic thoughts around small business ownership, and the other called out overachievers for wanting their 2021 goals to start materializing even though it is still January! These two posts resonate with many of the conversations we have had on this show about the problem of seeking happiness over contentment, and the processes that led to us realizing we have been working too hard with the wrong goals in mind!
Learning to Seek Contentment, Not Happiness
Abagail shares a story about the idea of prioritizing the wrong things. Last night her husband was complaining about how he needed extra money. When they sat down and actually thought about it, they realized that last year they had made more money than when he had his full-time job that he left two years ago. So, in fact, Abagail and her husband don’t need more money because they have more than ever. What was behind her husband wanting more money then? Abagail says that this is an example which we all fall into of seeking external things to validate ourselves. When we feel uncertain, we try to put artificial things in place to validate ourselves. Abagail’s husband was chasing artificial security rather than finding contentment in himself. What we really should be seeking is contentment, not happiness. Happiness is fleeting, but contentment is about chill! Emylee talks about how when driven people make the transition from external to internal validation, the line of what equals success keeps shifting, so it is okay to have moments where your zen state just doesn’t land. She had a bad week recently, we all do, but it is important to come back to a place of contentment. There is a mental health trend on TikTok where Emylee saw a post that put things into perspective recently. If your goal was to feel anger, you would constantly feel like you were not meeting this goal, because anger is an unsustainable emotion. It is the same with happiness, so we shouldn’t set unrealistic goals to be happy all the time! When Abagail was in a phase where she was setting sexy revenue goals for herself, she got sick, and this was a big wake up call for her! She realized that more than being rich, she wanted enough money to be stable enough to spend her time how she liked. So instead of creating revenue, Abagail started focusing on creating the lifestyle she wants. If you follow Eastern medicine, there are narratives about the attainment of a state flow, and to Abagail, that this state of flow is the same thing as a state of contentment. Most of the time what you want is not that far away from where you are in any case!
Simplifying Things, Thinking With Your Gut, and Knowing How/If to Change
Abagail recently moved and has been feeling out of sorts because she is such a creature of habit. She spoke to her therapist about it and the advice she was given was to think about what it was she is craving. Abagail needs to be creative, and the things she needs to do to feel this way are actually pretty simple. The lesson here is that we so often sit back and think about all the things we want, and the ways we plan to get there are so much more complicated than they need to be. Emylee says that it is obvious why our culture pushes us to think in this way. In our capitalist society, it is easier to be driven to achieve external goals than to do inner work, and we often go as far as even ignoring the spiritual sides of ourselves. Last year Emylee made the decision to stop ignoring her gut feelings about things and this gift of intuition of hers has been so helpful in the business so far. There is actually scientific evidence that our stomachs are like our second brains! We shouldn’t get bogged down if we feel we are struggling to break out of old patterns though — neural pathways take time to reset. When Abagail was in her car accident, she lost a lot of her neural pathways, and she took her recovery as an opportunity to reset them. The other side of the narrative here though is that there are probably many positive outcomes of the tendencies in your personality which the world has taught you to see as negative! This rings true for Abagail. She tells the story of how she used to be so obsessed with the numbers in this business that it was messing with her life. She realized though that these tendencies also taught her about processes, systems, and cause and effect. So rather than to stop being numbers-driven, she realized that she just needed to become less emotionally attached to the numbers. Now she has systems in place that she uses to know when something is an issue and when it is not!
Finding Our Boundaries and Setting Them By Communicating
What Abagail achieved with becoming less emotionally attached to the numbers in the business was all about setting boundaries. Boundaries are so important for our emotional wellbeing. Emylee set a boundary by telling Abagail exactly what she wanted and did not want to know regarding the numbers of the business, and so she never needs to get upset because she is hearing more than she needs to. Abagail talks about how her husband used to come home after work and rant about things that upset him, and he also tended to rant about the subcontractors who are renovating their house. She needed to set a boundary with him about these things. She also needed to set boundaries about where things like keys and so on in the house would live, and he was such a good listener that she even heard him communicate her boundaries about these things to other people. The thing to realize here is that nobody is going to uphold your boundaries unless you do, so you must find out what they are and be firm about them. As Emylee says, “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentment!” Before wrapping up though, we do want to make a disclaimer about the things we spoke about today. The examples we gave are all about small things you can reframe to be more stable or healthy in your life and business. However, we do recognize the state the world is in right now and that it is not easy at all to just rise above it and be content, or set a few boundaries expecting the very real problems to vanish. So, if you are in a bad way because of what is going on right now we just want to say that we honor and respect that and that it is completely justifiable. So with that, we hope you enjoyed today’s show and we will see you all next time!
Quote This
Happiness is fleeting. Contentment is about peace and chill and all that.
Highlights
Updates About Emylee, and Getting Away From Toxic, Goal-Setting Mentalities. [0:03:03]
Learning to Seek Contentment, Not Happiness. [0:07:15]
Simplifying Things, Thinking With Your Gut, and Knowing How/If to Change. [0:16:52]
Finding Our Boundaries and Setting Them By Communicating. [0:34:28]
ON TODAY’S SHOW
Abagail & Emylee
The Strategy Hour Podcast
We help overwhelmed and creative entrepreneurs break down their Oprah-sized dreams to create a functioning command center to tame the chaos of their business. Basically, we think you’re totally bomb diggity, we’re about to uplevel the shiz out of your business.
KEY TOPICS
Contentment, Boundaries, Goals, Intuition, Neuroplasticity, Spirituality
