The Surprising Ways Being a "High-Achieving Woman" Impacts Our Friendships with Danielle Bayard Jackson

PodcastMindset

Feb 12

Women do not talk about conflict in platonic relationships or the challenges associated with having healthy friendships as high-achieving women. Danielle Bayard Jackson joins us again today to discuss how being a high-achieving woman impacts our platonic relationships and the art and science of conflict versus connection. Danielle started her career as a high-school teacher and so many students wanted to talk about friendships more than anything else. When she transitioned into public relations, she realized that all of the issues surrounding friendships were the same. She has dedicated the last six years of her career to studying the latest research about the science of these kinds of platonic female relationships.

There’s a massive blurring of lines between colleagues, friends from work, and friends outside of work; especially for high-achieving women who spend most of their time at work and therefore, naturally meet most of their friends in the workplace. So much of your identity rests in achievements and while that is praised by many people, often it’s detrimental to friendships. Many of you don’t know who you are outside of your professional goals and achievements and it’s imperative to figure out what more you have to offer in order to build meaningful friendships. Tune in to hear about navigating platonic relationships and handling conflict!

Listen on your favorite podcast player

Listen to the Strategy Hour Podcast on Spotify

Listen to the Strategy Hour Podcast on Apple Podcasts

Listen to the Strategy Hour Podcast on Google Podcasts

Having Different Friends for Different Purposes

You all have different friends for different reasons and the actual word ‘friend’ is defined differently by people too. Some of you do have friendships out of convenience; especially with business friends. While that does sound superficial and transactional, one of the main benefits of social interaction is access to resources. The danger comes in for high-achieving women who present their value in relationships as achievements and cannot find the courage to ask for something when they need it from their friends.

Moreover, high-achieving women often have insanely high-expectations for their relationships and often do not check-in with platonic friends to make the changes to friendships they want to. That can lead to a sense of unfulfillment if not discussed, so Danielle wants to encourage you to talk to your female friends about how the relationship is going. It is amazing that you can find certain friends to fulfill certain needs and when you look at all of your friendships, you can see your relationships from a place of abundance and fulfillment.

Making Changes to Your Friendships and Where Conflict Fits in

Studies say that the number one thing women look for in friendships is emotional support but the truth is, everyone defines what that looks like differently. It’s important to stay in-tuned with what you need and then communicate that to friends and if that friend is either unable or unwilling to give you what you need, you need to decide how to adapt. Either you recognize and accept that that particular friend cannot offer you that thing or you realize that you cannot get value from the friendship and move on. But, so many people are ending friendships prematurely and Danielle wants to help you try to solve conflict before doing that. It’s already difficult for women to handle conflict because they have been taught to be ‘kind’ and ‘nice’ and that is a problem because research shows that platonic intimacy often lies on the other side of healthy conflict.

How to Handle Healthy Conflict and Stay Connected in Friendships

There are ways to get past conflict and still feel connected. You have to stop seeing conflict as contradictory to friendship! Conflict is inevitable in every single situation. So when it happens, Danielle wants you to resist the temptation of jumping to fundamental attribution error. Ask yourself how much of that particular issue is circumstantial before deciding it’s your friend’s character flaw. If it is a significant and/or repeated issue, then you have to bring it up as an invitation, not an accusation. Finally, the conversation should end with some sort of collaborative way to go forward and make a change that aligns with both parties.

When you cannot understand why someone would do what they have done to hurt you, be curious and ask questions about it! Give them the benefit of the doubt. Focus on the tangible parts of conflict and on how they made you feel and maintain a spirit of curiosity in order to buffer the tension and create space for each party to demonstrate intellectual humility. Sometimes, conflict may not be resolved immediately so make sure you’re okay with giving people time to process the feedback you’ve given them. If any of this resonates with you, be sure to tell both Danielle and I what you thought of this episode, and check out Danielle’s new book!

Quote This

There are ways to get past conflict and still feel connected, maybe even more so.

—Danielle Bayard Jackson

Highlights

Having Different Friends for Different Purposes [0:08:37]
Making a Change to Your Friendships and Where Conflict Fits in [0:20:18]
How to Handle Healthy Conflict and Stay Connected in Friendship [0:28:34]

OUR GUEST:

Danielle Bayard Jackson

Website | Instagram | X

Danielle Bayard Jackson, a former high school teacher turned PR agency founder, is on a mission to unravel the complexities of female friendship. As a certified women's coach and host of the Friend Forward podcast, she shares research-based strategies for women to navigate friendship challenges. Recognized in major media outlets, Danielle is a national speaker on the subject and serves as the spokesperson for Bumble BFF. With a recent book deal from Hachette, she aims to explore conflict resolution in female friendships. Dedicated to fostering healthier connections, Danielle celebrates the growth of Friend Forward, cherishing her one-on-one interactions with women.