When What Used to Matter… Doesn’t Anymore

PodcastMindset

Nov 11

Episode 998: Show Notes

I used to think values were something you discovered once and then lived by forever, like a moral compass that stayed fixed. But I’m starting to wonder if they’re more like constellations. They shift a little as you move through different seasons of life. For a long time, I treated my values like a checklist: family, creativity, freedom. Those were the things that mattered. But when they stopped feeling aligned, I felt completely disoriented.

It wasn’t that my morals changed. Rather, it was that my priorities matured. And while that process can feel confusing and uncomfortable, it can also make space for who you’re becoming. Sometimes the same value takes a new shape. For instance, freedom might look less like flexibility and more like emotional peace. Today, I’m sharing what it felt like to go through that shift, what helped me slow down and listen, and how I began to see my values in a new light.

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The Trip That Changed Everything

For me, this shift happened all at once, and I didn’t know what to do with it. Back in August, I went on a trip I thought would help me grow my faith and deepen a few friendships. Instead, it completely changed the pattern of my life.

I don’t want to downplay it. The trip was special. It was a great opportunity to grow and learn about things I had never learned before. But I don’t think it was so much the experience itself as it was the break from routine and the chance to slow down and really reflect. I had planned to post every day while I was gone, but that didn’t happen, and that was okay. I didn’t need anyone to get a hold of me. For the first time, I had space to just be.

When I came home, I felt distraught. It was like I woke up from my own life. The things that once mattered to me didn’t matter anymore. It wasn’t apathy or depression: I was grounded and doing well. It was just that something else had become more important. And it didn’t all fall into place at once. It was more like working on a thousand-piece puzzle, sorting and shifting things until they started to make sense.

Learning to Live in the Liminal Space

I didn’t know it at first, but I was in what’s called a liminal space. It’s a place of transition, the threshold between one destination and the next. It’s that awkward in-between where you’re no longer who you were but not yet who you’re becoming. Think of it like being in a hallway or an airport, waiting to arrive somewhere new.

For me, it felt lonely, isolating, and strange, but also oddly relaxing. Like sitting in a waiting room long enough to actually read a magazine and realizing you can finally slow down. You don’t want to be there, but part of you knows it’s necessary!

You might be in that same in-between, wondering what to do other than wait. There’s no checklist to move through it, but you can start by paying attention to how you spend your time, energy, and money. Those things always reflect what you value. You need to know what drains and fuels you. Maybe your old self kept saying yes because it aligned with ambition or a need for validation. But what would it look like now to choose projects and people that give back energy?

The Gentle Work of Realignment

I recently spoke at a few virtual summits that went really well. They reached a lot of people and brought in hundreds of new leads. Part of me thought, “You’ve done this before, why not do it again?” And my immediate reaction was no. I had no desire to. It wasn’t about skill or ability. I just wasn’t interested. When something gives you the ick, pay attention. Stop choosing what drains you and start choosing what gives back.

For years, I thought being an introvert meant every interaction would leave me tired. But I was just in the wrong rooms, trying to be a version of myself that was likable instead of aligned. When you’re surrounded by the right people and projects, even as an introvert, you feel energized. The same goes for money. If you were truly investing in what matters, what would that look like? Money is an expression of your values. When it’s misaligned, it feels off. When it’s aligned, it feels great!

Slowing Down to See What’s Next

I used to think the goal of any transition was to get through it quickly. But the pause is what reveals everything. Slowing down does not create new values; it helps you uncover the ones that are already there! When the noise quiets, you can finally ask, “Who am I?” and “Who am I becoming?”

I have absolutely slowed down in this season, both by choice and by force. Sitting in ambiguity, without rushing back into structure, is what helps you see what is next. For me, that meant stepping back from social media, reading more, doing puzzles, and spending time on things that grounded me.

Some of your values will probably still be the same, but how they show up may look different. If freedom was once about flexibility and time, maybe now it means peace. If creativity used to mean high output, maybe now it looks like slower, more intentional work. It is okay to change. Values are not fixed; they’re living agreements between who you were and who you’re becoming. The only way to hear clearly again is to slow down long enough to listen!