Boss Talk - How to Deal with Stress and Remain Productive in 2020
Episode 478: Show Notes
In today’s episode, we are going to bring back an oldie but a goodie — We are going to do a Boss Talk episode, where we just ask a question, riff on it, and see where it leads us. That's totally our style anyway; we love to riff on things. No one is surprised that we go on tangents and talk about whatever we want, whenever we want. The question for today is, how do you cope with stress and still remain productive when you have got all this stuff going on? We both run two businesses, so there is a lot on our plates! Also, we are in the middle of a pandemic, heading into a new season, Emylee has a kid who is bouncing off the walls, and Abagail just bought a house that needs renovations!
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So, as you can hear, there is hardly anything going on at all (sarcasm much?). The question around productivity is one we hear super often, and Emylee finds she always gets it in her DMs when she has shared an especially productive day. People want to know how she manages to sleep, much less do it all. So, just to clear the air, she wants to let everyone know that she is not a workaholic, and it’s actually something she actively puts effort into not being. It's so easy in today’s world to just work all the time, especially for her personality type. So, she wants to share some of the expectations she has for herself, and how she and Abagail have stayed productive in the midst of it all.
Adjusting Your Expectations and Not Being So Hard on Yourself
Up until recently, Abagail was extremely good at time-blocking, dedicating between four to six hours working on Boss Project and then spending a varying amount of time working on her other business. She would also make room for other things in her life, like spending time with her husband, exercising, and cooking meals. Everything felt in sync, until two weeks ago when her world went sideways! Although it was not her and her husband’s plan to buy a fixer-upper, because they already did that seven years ago, they made the purchase anyway. So, what was different this time around? Her mindset! Seven years ago, Abagail was working a full-time job only to come home and get stuck in renovations. But she has come to value her time and sanity and knows that she does not have to do it all. It is about the highest and best use of time and delegating what you can. Of course, money is a factor, and delegation is not always possible, but if you can take things off of your plate, it is definitely worth it. We hear how Abagail manages to give herself space even with her fuller days now, like intentionally taking time alone and moving her body. Although she is not able to make it to the gym, a walk around the block is still a victory. In fact, she might even cancel her gym membership for the next few months. It's all about adjusting your expectations and still congratulating yourself on the small wins.
The Difference Between Having and Not Having Children During the Pandemic
Real talk: Abagail felt really lonely during the height of the pandemic without any children. She really does want to have kids, and seeing pictures of families doing things together made her feel empty. Before the pandemic, she was watching her nephew once a week, but obviously, that stopped quite abruptly, leaving a void in her life. So, she threw herself into her work and had a major growth month in July. She also made a lot of fancy meals, including some bread, unlike Emylee, who only buys her bread. Abagail also watched a ton of Netflix and Hulu and more TikTok than she cares to admit. Rather than beating herself up for any of this, she is being kind towards herself because there have been so many ups and downs since the start of the pandemic. On the other hand, Emylee has a three and a half-year-old toddler who was home for a whole sixteen weeks! While she was preparing to take Penny out of school for the summer and put her on a part-time schedule, a lot of the support fell away because of the pandemic. She could no longer meet up with other homeschooling moms or take Penny to the gym or zoo, so it has been a lot because she’s been on her own pretty much since then! And while she might still consider homeschooling, this has been a totally unique experience of having Penny at home with no access to any other kinds of activities, so that’s on the backburner for the time being.
Wins and Losses in Hard Times
Of course, it is super important to stay safe and look out for other people, but naturally, we were afraid of how this all would affect our business. We are so grateful that we have not only survived but thrived in these turbulent times! And we do not take this for granted in the least because we know that if the pandemic had hit last year, we would have been toast. The changes we made and being so focused on our students, and their well-being definitely saw us through the hardships of the year so far. That being said, there are definitely lots of things we have missed out on, especially with our families. Abagail reflects on what her nephew, Elliot, has not been able to do, and Emylee also shares some of the moments from her personal life that she has sacrificed as well.
Find What Works for You
It’s really hard when you do not know what the most stressful thing will be when there are a whole bunch of new stressors in your life. So, how can you cope with both old and new found difficulties? For Abagail, therapy has been helpful and she opens up about her experience of being back in therapy. Although she hated the virtual sessions at first, she now sees the value of not having to commute to and from her therapist's office. As someone who struggles with anxiety, Emylee has coped with it in different ways. In the first years of her marriage, it manifested in her being obsessively clean, meal-planning, and just generally micromanaging things. Luckily, these tendencies fell away when she had Penny but definitely started to creep in again when the pandemic rolled around. Rather than giving in to them, she realized she had to let things go, and figure out what she could outsource. A major thing she has let go of is cooking, and her family now primarily eats out. For a time, being in the kitchen served a place in Emylee's life and allowed her to transition from home to work. But in this season of her life, it’s actually just better for her to use that time to sit and fully relax and save that energy for Penny. Yes, it's more expensive to eat out all the time, but the extra time and energy she has is well worth it.
Teamwork Makes Dreamwork
If you take a moment to think about everything you are juggling, you can categorize the balls into three different materials. There some made of rubber, others made of plastic, and some made of glass. These represent the urgency of the different tasks you have going on. So, while your mental and physical health are glass balls that you cannot and should not drop, other tasks like cooking and cleaning might be rubber balls that you drop and bounce back, or maybe just roll away for good. Whatever you decide is important is totally up to you. While it can feel like you are juggling only glass balls, when you really take time to get clear on it, you will realize that there are so many things you actually do not need to be doing or stressing about doing. Granted, having a life partner is great for sharing duties, and Emylee talks about how the pandemic has actually made her marriage better than ever. She and her husband have been able to communicate their needs more freely. They have also been more graceful when they have dropped their respective balls. Guilt also no longer has a place in their relationship, and they are not focusing on what's not being done, and instead looking at what's going right. Abagail has learned to prioritize her marriage during this time, and both she and Emylee share the ways that their husbands have stepped up to the plate and taken duties ordinarily outside their wheelhouse. What's super important to have all of this run smoothly, especially during times of crisis, is to be clear on expectations and needs.
Flexibility is the New Work-Life Balance
Much like in a marriage, in a workplace, or business, it is also important to be super clear on what your needs are and how you expect to have them met. Whether you need more time off or want to have adjusted work hours, it is up to you to speak up for yourself and say what you need. For a while, work-life balance was all the rage, but we think that this term is quite loaded because it puts an unnecessary amount of pressure on things to be perfectly balanced. And let’s be real, lines between work and life are becoming increasingly hard to distinguish, which is why we believe in aiming for flexibility rather than balance. So, you need an hour off to go fetch your kid from school? Communicate that to your business partner or colleagues so you can work it into the schedule. This way, there is no resentment or feeling that some people are working more than others. We just want you to know that we are far from perfect. We still eat pizza, ice-cream, and cry way too often, but we are more and more ok with this. We have become better at taking ownership of the things we want to ignore and giving ourselves space to cope which allows us to be positive, even in the midst of stressful times. If we got this, you do too.
Quote This
Lines between work and life are becoming increasingly hard to distinguish, which is why we believe in aiming for flexibility rather than balance.
Highlights
Adjusting Your Expectations and Not Being So Hard on Yourself [0:06:06.1]
The Difference Between Having and Not Having Children During the Pandemic [0:09:52.1]
Wins and Losses in Hard Times [0:18:36.1]
Find What Works for You [0:23:04.1]
Teamwork Makes Dreamwork [0:34:16.1]
Flexibility is the New Work-Life Balance [0:44:01.1]
ON TODAY’S SHOW
Abagail & Emylee
The Strategy Hour Podcast
We help overwhelmed and creative entrepreneurs break down their Oprah-sized dreams to create a functioning command center to tame the chaos of their business. Basically, we think you’re totally bomb diggity, we’re about to uplevel the shiz out of your business.
KEY TOPICS
Stress, Productivity, Pandemic, Family, Coping Mechanisms, Flexibility, Marriage, Patience, Adapting, Communication
